Articles · Lessons and practice
When practice ends in tears: how to help a frustrated child
Updated 2026-11-14
When practice ends in tears, stop the playing, stay calm, and make the task smaller. Then look for the cause. Tears at the piano or the violin are information. They tell you that something about the task, the time, or the pressure is wrong for today.
In the moment
- Stop the playing. More playing will not help right now.
- Stay close and calm. Sit beside your child. Lower your voice.
- Name what you see. “That bar is hard. I can see you are trying.”
- Take a short break. A drink of water, a stretch, or a walk to the window.
- Come back to one small thing. One bar, or a piece your child plays well.
- End there. Say what went well, and close the book.
A short, calm practice is a fine result for the day.
What to say
| Leave out | Try this |
|---|---|
| “You played it fine yesterday.” | “Some days it is harder. Let’s do one bar.” |
| “Stop crying and play it again.” | “Let’s take two minutes. Then we will pick one thing.” |
| “You are not trying.” | “I can see how hard you are working.” |
| “We paid for these lessons.” | “This is a hard part. Hard parts take time.” |
| “Just one more time.” (said five times) | “Three tries, and then we stop.” |
Find the cause
| What you see | Likely cause | What to try |
|---|---|---|
| Tears on the same piece each day | The piece or the step is too big | Ask the teacher for smaller steps |
| Tears near the end of practice | Practice is too long | Cut the time in half for a week |
| Tears at the start | The time of day is wrong | Move practice away from tired and hungry times |
| The child plays it wrong, again and again, faster | The child does not know how to fix it | Teach one way: slow, one hand, one bar |
| Tears after a correction | Too many corrections | Give one instruction, and then wait |
| Tears after one wrong note | Fear of mistakes | Make mistakes yourself, out loud, and laugh |
| Tears in the weeks before a recital or an exam | Pressure | Play for a teddy bear, then for one person |
| A sound the child hates | The instrument | Check the tuning, the size, and the reed or strings |
Make the hard thing small
“Play it again” gives a child nothing new to try. Give a task with a clear finish.
- One bar. Cover the rest of the page with paper.
- One hand, or the bow alone, or the rhythm clapped.
- Half speed.
- Three times right. Move a coin across the stand for each clean try.
- Stop while it is going well.
Read practice games for young music students.
Change the plan for the week
- Shorten it. Two short practices can do more than one long one.
- Start with a piece your child plays well. Put the hard thing second, and end with a favorite.
- Give a choice. “Scales first or the new piece first?”
- Use goals, not minutes. “Play line two with no stops” is a goal a child can finish. You can print a chart of small goals with the practice chart maker.
- Keep the same time and place each day.
Read how long should kids practice music each day and how to get kids to practice without a fight.
Tell the teacher
Tell the teacher what is happening. Send a short note before the next lesson.
- Which piece or task set off the tears
- How long practice lasts
- What you tried
A teacher can swap the piece, break it into steps, or show your child how to practice the hard spot. Ask the teacher to write the practice steps on a lesson notes page.
When the parent is the one who is upset
Practice is harder when the parent is tense too.
- Leave the room for two minutes.
- Swap with another adult for a week.
- Sit farther away, and say less.
- Ask the teacher what your job is at this stage. For an older child, it may be time to step back.
When the tears keep coming
If most practices end in tears for several weeks, something bigger needs to change.
- The level. Ask the teacher for easier pieces for a month.
- The goal. Put off the exam or the recital.
- The teacher. Read when to change music teachers.
- The instrument. A child who hates the violin may love the drums. Read how to choose a first instrument.
- A break. Read what to do when your child wants to quit music lessons.
For children who find focus or change hard, read music lessons for kids with ADHD and music lessons for autistic kids.
More from this guide
This article is part of Music lessons for kids: a parent's guide to starting, choosing, and practicing.
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Use it with your kids
Print a listening page, a practice chart, or a composer fact sheet. Or try a tool, such as the composer timeline or the piece picker.